Begin Again
by Kejfe Blintz
Summary: Tony begins his healing process after Jeanne, with a little help from Gibbs. Not slash.


**Disclaimer: **Don't own them, make no money, no infringement intended. I'll bring them back when I'm done, promise.

**A/N: **Well worn territory I know, but the plot bunny wouldn't go away. It'll pass a couple of minutes reading it anyway.

* * *

It didn't take Gibbs much thought to work out where his wayward Senior Field Agent had got to

It didn't take Gibbs long to work out where his wayward Senior Field Agent had got to. Ziva had returned to the office minus her partner after searching Jeanne's apartment, so he barked an order to his team to work until finishing time then go home, and set off on his hunt.

Pushing open the door to the apartment he saw Tony slumped in front of the sofa holding a note. He glanced up at Gibbs' entrance.

"Hey Boss…meant to come back to the office but got kinda…stuck…"

Gibbs made his way over and slid to the floor, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Tony. He felt a slight pressure as Tony leaned into him.

"It wasn't supposed to go like this."

"How else could it have gone DiNozzo?"

Tony sighed and stared at the note in his hand as if reading it one more time would somehow change the words into something more favourable.

"I shouldn't have fallen for her…shouldn't have lied to her…or maybe shouldn't have told her the truth. Hell, I don't know…"

"You were doing what you were supposed to. You were following orders."

"I hated lying to you."

Fortunately Gibbs had plenty of practice at following Tony's thought processes, so this apparent change of topic didn't phase him.

"Like I said, following orders."

Tony turned and looked at him, expression unreadable.

"But not yours."

"Hey listen to me; you had no choice. The blame for all this lands on the Director's shoulders, not yours."

Tony suddenly leapt to his feet and started pacing round the room, agitated.

"She didn't order me to fall in love, or promise Jeanne we'd buy a house, or wake up in her arms feeling safe and loved and _alive_. She didn't order me to find the one girl I could see myself growing old with, the one girl who loved me for who I was…she didn't order me to break her heart into tiny little pieces…or break mine…"

Gibbs stood and approached Tony, grabbing his upper arms and forcing him to stand still.

"Look at me."

Tony stared resolutely at Gibbs' shoes, jaw clenched, muscles tense, ready to fight or flight at a moments notice.

Gibbs massaged the stiff arms under his thumbs and softened his stance and voice. The last thing he needed was Tony to run away from him in this state.

"Hey c'mon, look at me."

Tony stood, determined not to give in, knowing that as soon as he did there would be no stopping the torrent of emotion that would break forth. Gradually though the mere proximity of Gibbs began to chip away at his defences, the reassuringly familiar scent of sawdust and coffee comforting him, making him relax. Gibbs felt Tony switch from fight or flight and gazed affectionately as blue eyes finally met his own.

"She really loved me, Boss."

"No Tony, she didn't." Gibbs quietly corrected. "She loved Tony DiNardo, mild mannered film professor, not Tony DiNozzo, gun wielding Federal Agent."

"I don't know who I am anymore."

Tony hung his head, leaning forward to rest it on Gibbs' shoulder. Gibbs cupped the back of his neck with one hand, the other moved to his back in an embrace of sorts.

"Are you hungry?"

Tony huffed a half laugh and raised his head to look at his boss.

"A hug and dinner? I must be in worse shape than I thought. Throw in a movie and I'm yours all night."

"I watched you get blown up today. You're not the only one who's had a rough day. For the record, any more stunts like that and I'm getting you a leash."

"Shh don't say that, Ziva'll get ideas!"

Tony made a great show of looking round for any eavesdroppers. Gibbs allowed him to slip his 'dumb jock' mask back on and stepped back, turning to head towards the door.

"Come on wise guy; get moving before I change my mind about feeding you."

"On your six Boss."

Gibbs smiled as he heard the familiar phrase slip from his Senior Field Agent. Tony may be lost to himself, but Gibbs knew exactly where to find him. It would take a while, but he was in this for the long haul. He'd walked away from the man he considered a son once before, he wasn't prepared to make that mistake again. As Tony dropped into step beside him, Gibbs threw an arm over his shoulders in a half hug holding him a little closer than was strictly necessary.

"You're gonna be fine DiNozzo. You're gonna be just fine."


End file.
